Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
