Kiss
Puke
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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