Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
