how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
