I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
