I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize