His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
