My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
