Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
porn star boner night. come get it.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
