I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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