sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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