i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
