Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
