Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
