Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
