how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
