so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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