Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
