when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Ladies don't puke and tell
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
