low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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