apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
