someone threw a dead crab at me
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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