please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
my shit smells like andre
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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