if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Randomize