I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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