You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
