Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
