woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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