I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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