she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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