If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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