I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
