It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
