Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
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