My nipple is on Facebook.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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