Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Randomize
