We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
