Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
