Don't make out with my wife yet
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
