I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
