you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
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