I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
