Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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