that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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