You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
