i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
