You really coming over, don't trick.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
