So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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