i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize