He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
