So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
