the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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