Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
