why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Let the clothes fall where they may.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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