you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
