saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize