Pregnant stripper...not hot.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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