sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
