I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
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