I bet he comes in French.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
