I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
