Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
