this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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