He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
there is glitter all over my balls
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
