What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
