He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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