How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
