She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
