You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
She's the barista slut.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
