I accidentally had phone sex last night
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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