I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
