Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
