i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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