she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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