I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
