dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
