i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
