apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Randomize
