So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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