while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
