You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
