We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
